


For a Life

by DeVloer



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Bonding, But Tubbo's not havin a good time, But only for like a sec, Family Bonding, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, It all goes well in the end :), Other, Panic Attacks, Villain Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeVloer/pseuds/DeVloer
Summary: Honestly, Tubbo isn't all too sure how he ended up in the middle of this heap of swords and crossbows. He was quite peaceful, he enjoyed watching bees and listening to music disks.So when he comes face to face with the tyrant that took over his country, the opportunity of making this whole war end gets thrown in his hands, but will he be able to pull the trigger.(A VERY old fic that's set during the first L'Manburg war. Sorry for any story mistakes, I was very new to the fandom!)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	For a Life

Tubbo was a pacifistic person.

He always avoids whatever unnecessary fight he could, if there was ever any trouble around him, he'd find out the most peaceful way to get out of it. The thought of hurting someone, or even... _killing_... He couldn't even think about it, he hated it.

How he ended up in the middle of a war was beyond his knowledge.

"Tubbo, watch out!"

An arrow zoomed his way and the younger just managed to raise his shield in time, deflecting it. Sapnap didn't give him time to breathe, immediately thrusting his sword towards him.

Tommy and him had just been gathering some of the wheat from their farm when suddenly they got jumped by Sapnap, Dream, and George. Luckily L'manburg wasn't far away, and Wilbur and Fundy were quickly there to back them up after a panic-y text message.

He and Sapnap had been in battle for the last few minutes, and Tubbo was actually getting the upper hand. He'd manage to push the other back enough now that Sapnap was stuck against a wall. The other had cowardly yelled for help, and it wasn't long before George sprung up.

Of course, now Tubbo was in trouble. He tried blocking the sword with his shield, but couldn't nearly take the force behind it and collapsed backwards. A short shriek escaped him and he desperately tried kicking with his legs, to no avail.

His eyes widened as he saw Sapnap raising his sword above his head, going in for a final blow. All he could do was cover himself with his shield, clenching his fists so hard they turned white.

"TOMMY!" He saw the sword coming down, and his vision went white. This was it- This was the end-

Tubbo laid there, tears prickling in the corners of his eyes as the world turned numb. He waited, he waited for some sort of... pain, an end, everything to go dark.

But it didn't.

Instead a pair of arms pulled him up on his feet, and he could use his senses again. Tubbo opened his eyes and met the calming blue eyes of his friend Tommy, two hands shaking his posture.

"Tubbo, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

The words were muffled like the other was speaking underwater. But Tommy's lips were most definitely moving, and Tubbo blinked, dazedly staring in front of him.

"Tubbo!" Tommy frowned, squeezing his shoulders so hard it hurt. "Say something, dammit!"

Words. Tommy. _Sapnap-_

"I'm okay." His voice cracked deeply, so he shook his head and coughed. "I'm okay, I'm fine."

Tommy sighed, letting go of him. "Thank god, I thought-"

The last of his words got lost in Tubbo's thoughts as he glanced at the scene around him. Sapnap was hunched over, a puddle of blood spreading on the side of his stomach. Dream was protectively standing in front of him, clashing swords with Fundy. Unfortunately, the masked man was out-skilling him by a long shot, and their friend was clearly losing the battle.

"Fundy!" He cut off whatever Tommy had been saying and reached for his sword, only to find out it wasn't there. He must've dropped it when he fell down.

Glancing back to Tommy, he very briefly scanned the other for any wounds, before pointing to the other's bow. "I'm weaponless, give me your bow."

Tommy seemed dumbfounded for a moment, but shot a quick glance the fox's way and filled his eyes with panic. Immediately, he slid the bow off his shoulder and pushed it in Tubbo's hands, already grabbing his sword and joining Fundy.

Tubbo reached for some arrows in his pocket and placed them in the bow, aiming directly for Dream's heart. The way he was standing, both Dream and Sapnap couldn't see him, he had a perfect shot.

But his target was moving around all over the place. Even though it was now a 2v1 battle, Dream was still easily holding them both back. In fact, the other seemed to be _winning._

But Tubbo didn't twitch from his aim, instead locking it in place. There was a rhythm to Dream's fighting, he'd block, then attack twice, and block again. He had him in place, he could shoot-

"DREAM, WATCH OUT!"

George screamed, and time suddenly slowed down.

Tubbo saw Dream freezing up and spinning around, and knew that if he shot the other would not be able to block the attack in time. Right here, right now, Tubbo could make this war end. Their independence would be sealed, they would be free-

_"Dream, Dream, Dream. " George was crying, hunched over the green sweater that was now colored a deep red. Sapnap was on his knees, eyes dull and mouth hanging open in shock._

_"Please wake up, please." The lifeless body was getting jostled by George's shaking hands, an arrow sticking out of Dream's chest. Pain, everything was hurting._

_"Dream, I can't-" George choked, and Sapnap sobbed. "I can't live without you, Clay. Please wake up."_

_It hurt. Everything was covered in blood, his heart was crumbling. No- No- NO!_

Tubbo was _not_ a murderer.

And in that split-second that Dream turned around, Tubbo averted his aim to the sky.

The globe started spinning again, and his released arrow surged just above Dream's head, missing the other by an inch. The American still instinctively raised his shield to block it, but it was almost instantly lowered again as Dream realized it had missed him.

And Tubbo stood frozen in place, eyes fixated on the other's black, drawn-on eyes. A breathless pant escaped him, and Dream stared back.

For a moment, just a second, nothing in the SMP breathed besides them, like everything else just turned dull, unimportant, non-existent. Their eye-contact lasted for what felt like hours, and Tubbo felt a whirlpool of emotions crash through his body, making his knees wobble and fingers twitch.

Regret, disappointment, relief-

And then Wilbur yelled over the field to retreat, and suddenly Dream was gone. George had Sapnap up to his shoulder and Fundy and Tommy both disappeared in the bushes. Tubbo breathed, taking a second for his brain to catch up to reality.

Then Wilbur ran past him, and Tubbo followed. He followed his team until they were back behind the safe walls of L'manburg, his mind empty as all Tubbo could see before his eyes was Dream's emotionless mask.

They sat down in the van. There was a minute of quietness, of rest, everyone to catch their breath, and then-

"TUBBO HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU MISS?!"

A pair of hands grabbed his tunic and he harshly got pulled forward, his stomach cutting into the table. Tubbo let out a soft hiss of pain, but the hands didn't let go.

Tommy's icy blue eyes were fixated on his own, the enraged emotion behind them contrasting with the worry that the other had earlier portayed.

Tubbo swallowed hard. "I- I- I didn't-"

"YES YOU DID!" Tommy screamed at him, clawing deeper in the fabric of his shirt. "YOU RUINED THE ONLY CHANCE WE HAD AT- YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT, TUBBO!"

The words cut deep, and Tubbo squirmed underneath the hard stare, feeling his eyes prickling. "I- I didn't mean to-"

He cut himself off, a molten hot coil of guilt forming in his stomach as Tubbo's memory flashed through his mind. His aim was straight, he had a clean shot, he could have-

But he didn't.

He fucking _didn't_

He was a pussy, a wuss, an idiot. He could have killed Dream, he _should_ have killed Dream. All this could have ended. Everything- The war would have been over. They'd be safe- He just brought his whole team in danger by keeping their enemy alive. Idiot, stupid-stupid-stupid-

"Tommy." A stern voice filled Tubbo's ears, and he saw Tommy clenching his jaw, turning his head sideways.

" _What?!_ " The other teen hissed, not letting go of him.

Something hot and wet was rolling down Tubbo's cheek, and his lungs heaved.

Tommy glanced back at him, and finally, his eyes turned calmer. A short flash of worry glimmered in the other's iris, but it quickly turned back to annoyance as he let go of his shirt. Tubbo fell back on the chair, more of the liquid falling down.

"And he's crying again..." Tommy huffed loudly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're fucking useless, Tubbo. Why are you even in this war? You can't do shit."

His heart was getting squeezed, it hurt, it actually, physically hurt. Tubbo missed the angry look Wilbur shot at Tommy, glancing down at his hands.

Useless, an idiot. He's an idiot.

Suddenly he couldn't bear to be in the van any longer. He needed to leave, he needed to escape the other's stares. He's an idiot, they hate him. Useless- useless-

Tubbo pushed himself away from the table, stumbling out of the van. Someone called out his name, but he didn't recognize who it was. It didn't matter, they don't care about him anyway.

Running to the border, he was out of L'manburg within seconds. Normally his hands would be trembling from fear by the mere thought of not being in the walls, but now, it didn't seem safe anymore. It was a scary, bad place, he didn't want to be there.

He didn't want to be anywhere.

Tubbo ran until his lungs were caving in and his legs were rattling together, passing unfamiliar and foreign forests. He ran until there was no one around him besides chirping crickets or howling owls. It was night, he faintly realized, the moon was illuminating the grass he was sitting in. When had he even sat down? The sun had been up when he had left.

His cheeks were shining, he was crying, sobbing even. Air was stuttering out of his lungs and his heart was beating rapidly. It hurt, everything hurt, Tubbo felt like he had been stabbed. The ghost of the arrow that he shot, that he missed- no that he _averted_ , it was stuck in his back, puncturing his heart. He shot himself, he really is an idiot.

An idiot. A loser. A nobody.

Nothing. He is nothing.

*

Tubbo didn't remember much of that night. He remembers the cold earth embracing around him like a blanket, making his teeth clapper against each other and making his nose runny, or was that from crying? Tubbo didn't really know.

He got woken up by the sunlight that was seeping in from under his eyelids. It was bright, it was annoying, Tubbo didn't want to wake up yet.

But the light was persistent, and it didn't take long before the drowsiness escaped him and he was forced to fully wake up. He sat up with a groan, raising a hand in front of him to create a shadow across his face.

Memories started flushing his thoughts, and Tubbo remembered the white mask staring at him. He remembers Tommy's mean and loud words, they resonated around his skull and created a headache. He remembers... running.

The others must be worried about him.

A groan rippled from his lips, and he pushed himself on his feet. Where even was he? He didn't recognize the area around him.

But the icy wind reminded him that he only wearing a thin blue jacket, his muscles clenching together. He needed to find home, not even his own, just a place where he can find warmth. And some food, maybe.

And so, the teenager started his trot. His mind was empty, the cold distracting him too much for words to become thoughts. He didn't know how long it took for the forests to become familiar, or the grass to become flatter, like other feet had already passed these ways. He followed the ghostly steps, getting led back to L'manburg.

The black walls seemed... strange... Tubbo almost felt like he didn't belong here anymore, he betrayed his own team, he protected the enemy.

But his stomach grumbled and a shudder wrecked his body, and he couldn't really care. The walls were safe, they were home, they were _food._

He stumbled through the entrance, the mud sticking to the end of his trousers. His hands were shaking, the tips of his fingers actually turning a light-blue color. Tubbo hugged himself closer.

"Hello?" His voice was croaky, weak. "Someone?"

The wind howled through the trees, and Tubbo felt faint. The black walls swirled in patterns he had never seen before, and the coldness that was piercing his bones got number.

"I'm c-cold..."

A puff of air escaped from his lips, and then multiple things happened at once.

Three things came running up to him, and suddenly he got embraced by something warm. No, something _boiling;_ it made his skin sizzle and sweat break out on his left shoulder.

"Oh, Tubbo, Tubbo." Warm air vibrated against his neck, and he realized someone was hugging him. Of course, he immediately recognized the voice of his best friend, and then quickly realized that the wetness on his shoulder wasn't sweat, but tears. Someone else's tears.

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry. I- You- I was worried sick!" Tommy dug his fingernails in his back, but Tubbo barely felt them. The heat felt so nice. "Don't you- Why- Please don't ever scare me like that again, Toby. I'm so-"

The rest of the words went unheard in Tubbo's ears. The edges of his vision were dancing with black static, and all he wanted was to sleep in this warmth. His legs started caving in and he felt himself get heavier, drowning himself in the burning body in his arms. Tommy was safe, Tommy was warm.

"He's freezing. We have to get him inside."

His radiator got taken away from him, and he was moved. Was he walking or was he being carried? He didn't know, he didn't even know if his eyes were open or not. But Tommy was with him, he trusted Tommy. Nothing bad would happen to him if Tommy was here.

All he knew, was that at one point, he was warm again. Something thick was covering him, and he could feel his blood pumping through his veins again. It was good, he was good. That was all he needed to be right now.

And so with a soft sigh, he let himself get lowered into a dark abyss, the last of his thoughts getting lost.

*

"I did this..."

Wilbur sighed softly. He knew something like this would be coming, it was inevitable, really. Of course Tommy would blame himself for all this.

Granted, it was... _sorta_ his fault. But still, Wilbur shook his head."Tommy, you didn't know-"

"I still did it, Wilbur." The younger didn't look up from his hands, only clenching them harder together. "I still yelled at him, I called him useless, I made him cry... What kind of friend does that make me?"

Wilbur just tilted his head with a sympathetic expression. There really was no excuse for it, Tommy had been really harsh to Tubbo. And for what? Because the other missed an arrow?

"Exactly," Tommy mumbled when the president didn't answer. He raised a hand and ran it across his forehead, partly covering his eyes. "A horrible one."

"Tommy-" Wilbur tried, but the other stood up before he had the chance to.

"I'm going to go check on him."

Walking away from the table, Wilbur didn't try to stop him. And why should he? Tommy fucked up, he fucked up bad. There's nothing Wilbur can say to make him feel less guilty.

Luckily someone else could.

"A good one."

Tommy glanced up. Fundy was blocking the doorway to Tubbo's room, arms crossed and a neutral face planted on him. Tommy blinked.

"What?"

Fundy shrugged, and Tommy furrowed his eyebrows.

"I said a good one. You're a good friend." The other said, shortly nodding to the room behind him. "How many times have you been checking up on him now? You haven't let him alone for more than five minutes."

Tommy stared at the fox, words escaping him for just a moment. But his brain quickly caught up and he realized he was supposed to answer, so he huffed. "Of course. It's the least I can do after I was absolutely horrible to-"

But Fundy shook his head. "People make bad choices when they're stressed. You were mad, angry after we lost our battle, you lost control over your emotions."

Tommy couldn't believe what he was hearing, but, the pair of calm and determined fox-eyes made him stay still, and he continued listening. "But now, you're not, and you're making the right choices. These choices are what define you, and right now they define you as a good friend."

The words processed, and Tommy's first instinct was to protest, his mind screaming at him that his actions couldn't be reversed. "But I _still_ did-"

"Yeah, and Tubbo _still_ missed that arrow." Fundy didn't budge, merely shrugging. "But you're no longer mad at him for it, right?"

Fundy stared at him, Tommy blinked blankly, not expecting the question. But the answer immediately popped up in his head, the previous guilt creeping back into his chest. "'Course I don't, I couldn't care less. It's not important anymore."

"Exactly." Fundy nodded curtly. "It's in the past, just like your words."

Tommy just stared at the other, eyes wide and confused. But the fox let out a small, comforting smile and raised a hand to squeeze his shoulder.

"Don't wind yourself up too much about it, alright? Like you said, it's not important."

Fundy let go of his shoulder before stepping out of the doorframe, no longer blocking the entrance. But the thought of entering hadn't crossed Tommy's thought at all, eyes dazedly staring at the place where the soldier had just stood seconds ago.

He'd been so mean to Tubbo. Just horrible. How can he forgive himself so easily? He can't... Just forgive himself. Not after that, how will Tubbo ever trust him again?

But the way the teen had sunk into his arms... He could still feel the ghostly icy skin pressing against his own, like the memory had been playing in his so many times he was actually reliving it. He remembers the guilt, the cold. God, Tubbo had been so cold, he had felt like an icicle. A Tubcicle.

The other had been away for an entire night. Completely alone, with just a jacket and a sword. It was a mystery how the other had survived all the monsters.

He wants Tubbo to be warm. He wants Tubbo to be safe. He wants Tubbo to never cry because of him again. And he can't do that if he's wallowing in his own mistake. That won't help Tubbo, that won't help anyone.

"Thanks, Fundy..." The words were spoken softly, almost a whisper, and the soldier glanced up shortly.

The fox stared back at him and gave a reassuring smile. "You're welcome."

A couple seconds of fond and comfortable eye-contact, and then Tommy walked into Tubbo's room.

When the other wakes up, he'll be there. And he always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> This had been in my drafts for the LONGEST time. I think I wrote this like 4-5 months ago, I can't even remember. Honestly, I really don't think it's one of my best works XD, but that's probably because at the time I had barely written with these characters. And I just got a bit lazy with this one lol
> 
> Happy new year, my royal butterflies!


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